


aren't you too fast for love?

by Sootgremlins



Category: Mötley Crüe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 17:57:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20728403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sootgremlins/pseuds/Sootgremlins
Summary: ╔═══════════════════════════╗my mötley writing from tumblr :)mostly nikki x tommy or nikki x vince╚═══════════════════════════╝





	1. high in paradise (we don't talk about it)

**Author's Note:**

> trying to organize some of my writing in the hope that it will make me write more, i guess?

Tommy knows what Nikki thinks he needs. He thinks he needs the control, the kind he has on stage, on top of the world and high on adrenaline like the junkie he is because that’s what he’s always gotten. You get used to getting what you want pretty quick in a life of fast cars and pretty girls and booze with a side of drugs all at your fingertips. Tommy can’t blame him, you claw your way up from whatever pit of hell that Nikki did, he wouldn’t want to hand the reigns over either, being able to trust enough to do that is not a characteristic deeply engraved into Nikki by any means. He doesn’t trust the same way that Tommy does, doesn’t throw his whole heart and soul into a whim even if he knows he shouldn’t, perhaps Nikki is just too smart for that. So all he can do is watch him spiral up and lash out and crash back down to earth because he thought he could fly. 

If he’s lucky he can dig his fingers into that armor, pry at the cold edges and tug at the seams until Nikki is just that much more raw and open for him. The fine razor-edged line that he walks that either is going to break them or build them back up, and it’s a roll of the dice every single time as to whether Nikki is shoving him away and pulling him closer. Maybe he’s the worse junkie in some ways, the high that he gets from all of that, the chance and the payoff that he might get or the absolute crash of a bad high that never seems to end. 

He might love him

When it goes bad Nikki is so closed off and cold for so long that Tommy hurts just looking at him, wondering where he fucked it all up. Nikki can be so mean when he wants to aim that wrath at Tommy, and he can cut him down to size with just his words and a calculated glare, that’s fuzzy with the drugs sometimes these days, he can put him back in the ground like no one else has even tried to. Nikki spells out clearly who is in control and who is going to do what, reminds him that it’s his world he’s living in and he’s always going to be his kid drummer with a dopey ass smile and high expectations for a world that is going to chew him up and spit him back out if Nikki doesn’t protect him. Their words are always so bitter when they fight, they know the pressure points and the sore spots to press into and just wait the other out, it’s never fair and it’s never pretty. That part hurts worse than the punch to the face he’ll get if he argues back when they’re like that. Here he is crawling back. 

He never loved him

If it goes right, Nikki comes apart. He’s separated from all the other shit that Tommy hates but can’t say he does. The girlfriends and groupies don’t matter at that moment, neither do the drugs or the money and the record sales and sold-out concerts. He’s fragile and lost and his head is low and defeated because there’s nothing else he can do but that, accept the defeat. He lets Tommy hold him and pull him back down the earth slowly so he doesn’t get caught on anything else. He lets Tommy steal away his bad thoughts and the needles on the floor and drag him away from his own mind. Rough hands on tear-streaked cheeks, catching at the droplets and sweeping them away worn fabric and bed sheets. Nikki speaks softly and reminds him that he could do so much better, that everyone could do better if they’re choosing to hang around him because he’s so fucked up and he’s going to hurt everyone around him when he goes off like a fast burning fuse to a bomb, that he really believes he’s worth so little and that no one would care if he burned out like that after all he’s been through. That part hurts worse than seeing Nikki with a needle in his arm and the life gone from his eyes likes he’s been five years dead and buried. Here Nikki comes, crawling back. 

He never stopped loving him


	2. burnt out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: major character death :((

When he hears the news on the radio he puts his fist into the wall and tears the TV off of its mounting and puts it through the window. Except Nikki isn’t laughing at his side when he watches it hit the ground this time, because Nikki Sixx is dead.

He gets in his car and crashes it into a tree a block away from his house with the door he left open and sits on the side of the road with his hands covered in blood and screams until he feels like he’s lost so much air he’s going to pass out. Then he screams more.

He walks home and cries when he smashes a bottle across the kitchen counter and rips the phone off the wall just like he’d done with the TV when it starts ringing. Except Nikki isn’t there with another bottle, because Nikki Sixx is dead.

He passes out on the floor with glass from the crushed car window still in his hair and the cold tile under him. He can’t remember falling asleep and he can’t remember any of the dreams he has that night. This might as well be the dream,

Nikki Sixx is dead and Tommy Lee survived.

~~~

The funeral feels fake. Like it’s some show they’re putting on, and someone is about to throw the curtains back and Nikki will be there laughing at what pussies they are for crying, and asking him for a drink as soon as he walks over. Except it doesn’t happen, because Nikki Sixx is lying in the casket with a suit he would never wear if he were alive, flowers placed on top of the jet black wood.

He feels like throwing up when he gets anywhere near it, like a puddle of radiation that physically repels him from looking at Nikki’s face. His hair brushed back out of his closed eyes that aren’t going to open, it doesn’t feel real. Instead, he digs his nails into the skin of his wrists until his eyes sting like the skin he can feel slowly tearing back. He stains the cuffs of the white shirt he’s wearing with spots of red.

~~~

It had been her fault. It had been her doing, that even in death Nikki couldn’t get away from her. No one even bothering to pretend that she wasn’t milking every moment of attention she could from the death of her son that she had never bothered to love. The one that Tommy had loved. She should have never been allowed to take this away from him.

Vince and Mick are there too.

Mick doesn’t speak, just stares straight ahead like, that he too, was waiting for the curtain to get pulled back.

Vince doesn’t do much more, eyes red and watery until he shoves Tommy out of the way and walks to the door that lets a gasp of fresh air flow in until it slams shut and leaves it feeling like a tomb. No one else speaks much after that.

She tries to talk to Tommy, keeping up appearances, and Tommy knows she blames him just as much as he blames her.

He never got to say goodbye.

~~~

The Earth is still fresh, the first time he visits the grave. There are flowers all over it, pressing into the space of other headstones along with the notes people have written. He’s not sure if Nikki would have liked that. He would have liked the packs of cigarettes and bottles that also dot in between them, though.

For a moment he thinks about saying something.

Because he doesn’t have anything to leave other than words that don’t mean anything anymore. Because everything is in the past now. He didn’t know Nikki, he had known Nikki. He wasn’t in love, he had been in love. Nikki Sixx wasn’t alive, he had been alive.

He had told himself he wasn’t going to cry again, but when he looks away his eyes are wet anyway. Funny how that works.

~~~

The last time he visits the grave, he feels older. Every year is another reminder of a year Nikki never got. It’s been a long time now, but he still has to carry all the things he never said and all the things that he never did. They’re still as heavy as the night when it had happened.

It was easier calling it that, instead of anything else.

This time, he has flowers to place on the grave. Roses had seemed fitting, but they feel foreign in his hands when he finally sets them down.

He wonders what Nikki would think about that.


	3. i need you to need me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: little bit nsfw be warned

t’s going to be a mistake and Nikki knows it. There’s a reason they have boundaries, there’s a reason they have girlfriends, and there’s a reason why you’re not supposed to think about your bandmates in certain ways. He just can’t remember those reasons at the moment.

They’re yelling about something, Vince waving his arms around and glaring at him, one false step away from just walking out of the room and slamming the door. That might have been better in the end, walking away and leaving it be. After all, there was a reason he shouldn’t do this. He still can’t remember it.

He only catches the last half of Vince’s yelling, he’s still distracted and he can’t snap back into the moment, “-give a shit about that.” Vince hasn’t noticed that Nikki isn’t responding, that there’s no more eye-rolling and sneering coming back at him. That, or he doesn’t care, taking his chance to let off steam and get all the complaints out of his system.

The dressing room is trashed, broken glass in one corner, cracked mirror with Nikki’s bass laying underneath it in the other, from where he’d thrown it as soon as he had gotten the strap off, and relished at the sight of the crack that spiderwebbed across the surface. It’s too hot and the ringing in his ears from the screaming fans and blasting amps is only just starting to die down. Which means his senses are all still geared to an eleven, the buzz and fog of anything but endorphins cut clean through by the adrenaline still flowing from the show that’s making a comeback the more he yells.

Vince kicks a chair that had been in front of him, ignoring how it bounces off the wall and clatters onto its side. He doesn’t move much from where he was, eyes still cutting into him with a whole different set of meaning than the words coming out of his mouth.

He snaps then, the noise and movement enough to send him moving forward, fingers digging into Vince’s shirt. Vince’s mouth snaps shut, audible clack that suddenly sounds louder than the yelling in the quiet room. Nikki can tower over him this way, but it doesn’t stop Vince from holding his own, hands flying to shove at his chest like that would get him to let go. His hair falls around his face when he leans forward. He’s not getting away from this, and he knows that. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Nikki growls because he just knows he’s going to start yelling again, and he needs him to just not talk for thirty seconds. He can never think when it’s too loud with too many people talking. When it’s loud is when he finds it easiest to slip into the bad decisions because some part of his brain shuts off and tunes into the angry part that wants him to scream back. At least he’s gotten good at that.

“Fuck you,” Vince spits and Nikki slams him back into the wall that he hadn’t realized he was backing him into. Vince’s hands don’t leave his chest, pushing harder and his nails bite into his skin even through the fabric. He blinks, trying to gather himself before he pushes harder so Vince’s shoulders flatten against the cheap drywall. It’s oddly satisfying to see him like this, shreds of control that he’s always trying to grasp on to.

“I said shut up,” Nikki yells, and this time Vince’s stance changes from not just pushing back, to pushing to get away from him. Every part of each of them is tense, ready to snap and make everything all messy and jagged if they let it go off like a bomb. It always feels like this anymore, that they don’t talk about it and just let it fester like an infected cut.

He watches Vince’s eyes, he’s as sober as it gets, or he could just be a little bit scared. His tongue darts over his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. There was no plan, more accurately, this is the opposite of the plan. The plan that he had carefully decided on, the one that clearly spelled out to do anything but this.

He kisses him because fuck the reasons, boundaries, girlfriends and the plan, fuck them all because he doesn’t give a shit about that. There are no rules now, he’s crossed them all and no one is stopping him.

Vince shoves hard before they break away, but Nikki keeps him pinned, “Nikki get the fuck away from me, what the fuck do you think you’re trying-”

Nikki kisses him again, impossibly harder and for a moment he wonders if this was really a bad idea. Vince isn’t giving him an inch with this and his own heart feels like it’s trying to pound out of his ribcage. 

It clicks, fast like a switchblade being flicked open, Vince’s isn’t pushing, he’s pulling him closer. Nikki growls into the kiss, hands moving to brace him against the wall. It serves to box Vince in, even more, forcing him to not be able to move away unless he ducks. His tongue flicks out against his lips, and Vince lets him in and suddenly he’s burning another set of boundaries he didn’t know they had.

Vince makes a small noise and his hands flatten out against Nikki’s chest, which is all the encouragement that he needs to not stop. Except he should, he really should because this is wrong and not only that, it’s not fair for anyone else if he fucks this one over. The ringing in his ears roars back like he’s taking the first step on the stage.

He grabs Vince by the hair, pulling a little too hard then he knows he should. It’s probably got to hurt, but he still doesn’t let go. Vince paws his chest, finally turning his head away the best he can so he can breathe. Nikki leans to bite at his neck, hand still keeping Vince from going anywhere. He’s going to do it his way and he’s going to fucking enjoy it since this might as well be the first and last time he can.

“Nikki,” Vince pants, “Oh fuck, Nikki,” before he makes another noise caught somewhere between a groan and something lower when Nikki starts to bite down harder. He doesn’t know how he’s still talking, god he thought he’d shut up. Vince whimpers when his grip on his hair tightens again and Nikki moves back to his lips so he can kiss him again. This time, Vince lets him come easily back into it, sliding back in place like he’d always been there, spare the tiny noises that Nikki draws out of him.

Vince’s hips jerk and Nikki can feel the heat through his jeans and the way that Vince’s knees almost buckle at the contact. It hits him like a train that Vince is enjoying this, that he’s practically getting off on just being kissed. Nikki pulls back and Vince looks wrecked already, swollen lips and angry looking red mark already blooming on the left side of his neck with his hair still fisted in Nikki’s hand.

He looks golden in front of him, no one should look this good after that. The smell of sweat and cologne that never seems to change, cigarette smoke that had always clung to denim jackets over hot skin.

He lets go and gets another whine, Vince’s eyes blinking open and staring back at him with a heat that Nikki hadn’t been ready for. Right now would be the perfect moment to stop. Stop and pretend that this didn’t happen and let it all stay locked away in this room. Vince’s fingers catch one of his belt loops on his jeans and tug him forwards again until their chests are pressing together and this time Vince is up on his toes so he can kiss him. Nikki grabs his ass and the way he moves is almost like he’s confused about whether or not to press back against his hand or continue to chase after Nikki’s lips.

Nikki pushes him back into the wall with Vince’s arm hooking around his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me @youre-in-the-jungle-baby
> 
> (okay and also thank you to the lovely @arnold-layne for being there for me writing mötley stuff and all of the poly!crue i'll probably end up posting on here soon <33 you're amazing)


End file.
